Spiritual integrity

"Perhaps you have discovered the same truth that has awakened many parents: Raising children pushes parents to mature in their faith as much as it moves children toward spiritual wholeness. if you are struggling with particular aspects of raising your child, especially in relation to the faith dimension, step back and evaluate your behavior. you may discover that while you are able to voice the appropriate concepts to your young ones, your behavior negates those words. The 'do as I say, not as I do,' approach is increasingly incompatible with effective influence upon children," (George Barna, Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions.)

When your children look past your assigned role to ponder your spiritual integrity, what do they see?
More than anything in the world I want to impact my girls for Christ. I want them to see a consistent, authentic, open relationship with a perfect God. I want them to want to know the God that I know, to want to be chaged in the same ways He changed me, to desire to serve Him and grow in Him. More than anything I want them to buy into the fact that God has HUGE plans for their young lives. That He ALWAYS has their best interest in mind and that He is trusthworthy. I want them to know that God is patient, loving, kind, and gentle with his children. And I don't want them to know all of this because they can read. I want them to know this because they have seen it lived out in every day life.
No one knows me like my girls know me. They know the great, they know the good, but they also know the ugly. They are there when patience runs out, when gentleness is nowhere to be found, and when I feel like the person I am is not really me.
I am being stretched. I am being stretched because if I tell Ella not to yell at her sister but then ten minutes later I turn around and yell at her sister I am contradicting myself. Eventually Ella is going to wise up to the fact that what I say is not necessarily what I do. Or when I say life is not always just about you but turn around and make some situation all about me - what I am really teaching them is that even though mommy says life is not about me sometimes it can be.
When my girls are grown I don't want them looking back and saying they did what I said and not what I did. I want them to look back and be thankful for the example set before them. When I was young I thought that the hardest part of being a Christian was saying no to certain sins and denying ourselves certain lifestyles. But I am learning the hardest part of being a Christian is learning to go with the fact that you are in a state of constant transformation.
Father - Continue to do a work in me. It is only through your power that I am able to be who I need to be for my girls. Your grace is sufficient Father - Be strong in me.